Image result for chocolate fireguard

As the name of my blog suggests I’m cynical and with that comes an innate ability to be irritated by people in general. I don’t show it, I’m generally pleasant to people. However, in a queue in Next waiting to pay for an overpriced cushion my wife picked out, all I want to do is murder the 40-something woman in tight jeans and a fat arse. She’s huffing and puffing because she’s got to wait an extra minute to pay for a similar overpriced cushion set with matching curtains. Grow up, wait a minute, the girl behind the till is 17 and doing her best.


The same general irritation applies to baby advice. Most of it isn’t actually advice, not from men anyway. In a pub or other similar social occasion with a group of people (typically my parents friends that have had kids) all you get is an unusual warning. “Oh, get ready!”  said in a foreboding voice is what I usually get. Get ready for what? For parenthood, psht here’s me thinking it would be easy but now thanks to you with your 3 words of usesless advice I’m much more prepared. It’s the tone that gives it the strangeness. Like I’m entering the forbidden forest (Harry Potter reference) or one is simply walking to Mordor (Turns out you can’t do that).


Another one I hate is “It’ll change your life completely” Really? Thanks Sherlock.  This was a planned pregnancy. Not a whim. I’m aware that having a child means more than just having an excuse to play with Lego again.


Even the ones that are somewhat more helpful are annoying. I say somewhat helpful because what worked for your child probably won’t work for mine. The advice is always unsolicited and when its from someone who you know has bratty kids I don’t think I’ll be paying attention.


Unless you have practical advice leave me alone, and then only help when asked. I want to do this myself mistakes and all.


I’m male I don’t ask for directions.